The doctor confirmed to me after my emergency surgery:
“𝗪𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱 𝗮 𝘁𝘂𝗺𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗶𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝗱𝗲𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗶𝘁𝗲𝗹𝘆 𝗰𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲𝗿. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱 𝟲 𝗺𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗵𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗮𝗽𝘆.”
I was so weak after not eating for 4 days in the lead up to that surgery.
Quietly I reached out to God in desperation:
“𝘼𝙧𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙨𝙚𝙧𝙞𝙤𝙪𝙨?
𝙎𝙩𝙖𝙜𝙚 3 𝙘𝙖𝙣𝙘𝙚𝙧 – 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙜𝙞𝙫𝙚𝙣 𝙢𝙚 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙖 𝙡𝙞𝙩𝙩𝙡𝙚 𝙡𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙩𝙤 𝙙𝙚𝙖𝙡 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝?
𝙄 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 2 𝙠𝙞𝙙𝙨 𝙩𝙤 𝙧𝙖𝙞𝙨𝙚. 𝙏𝙝𝙚𝙮 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙤𝙣𝙡𝙮 6 𝙖𝙣𝙙 4.”
God quietly answered:
“𝙄 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙗𝙚𝙚𝙣 𝙩𝙧𝙮𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙤 𝙘𝙖𝙩𝙘𝙝 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙖𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣 𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙤𝙤 𝙨𝙩𝙪𝙗𝙗𝙤𝙧𝙣.
𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙣𝙚𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙜𝙞𝙫𝙚.”
In my body, mind and soul I couldn’t deal with that answer at that point.
I parked the issue.🙄
As I started my healing journey, I had the intention to come out of the experience feeling stronger than ever - physically, mentally and emotionally.
𝗣𝗵𝘆𝘀𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 – I nailed changing my diet, exercising consistently (despite going through chemo), practicing yoga, having a healthy sleep routine.
𝗠𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 - I delved into meditation and started experiencing the subtle benefits of meditating daily. I nailed redirecting my thoughts to positive and understanding more about my feelings.
𝗘𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆– I started becoming more conscious about how I respond to stressful situations (as I encountered them almost daily during cancer treatment)
But when it come to forgiveness, I hit a hall.😬
I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
𝗪𝗮𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗮 𝗽𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗜 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝘁𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗴𝗶𝘃𝗲?
𝗪𝗮𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗲𝗹𝘀𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗱𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗺𝗲?
𝗪𝗮𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝗻 𝗲𝗮𝘀𝘆 𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗽-𝗯𝘆-𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗽 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗰𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝗜 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗳𝗼𝗹𝗹𝗼𝘄?
The more I read about health, the more I encountered the word “forgiveness”
The more I read about cancer, the more I read about how it was linked to deep resentment.
I spent months thinking”
𝗪𝗵𝘆 𝘀𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗜 𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗴𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗶𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝘄𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 “𝘄𝗿𝗼𝗻𝗴” 𝗼𝗻𝗲𝘀?
𝗪𝗵𝘆 𝘀𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗜 𝗱𝗼 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸 𝗮𝗴𝗮𝗶𝗻?
𝗪𝗵𝘆 𝗮𝗺 𝗜 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗱𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗮 𝗰𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲𝗿 𝗱𝗶𝗮𝗴𝗻𝗼𝘀𝗶𝘀?
𝗪𝗵𝘆 𝗱𝗼 𝗜 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗴𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘀***?
I thought that maybe I just couldn’t forgive.
And if I didn’t, I just need to leave with the consequences of it.
Cancer recurrence was mentioned a lot in so many survivor’s stories I read.
People who hadn’t healed their hearts.
Once more I had to make a decision.
Do I keep practicing the same emotions and behaviours or do I change completely and try something new?
I couldn’t argue that I had been holding on to deep resentment for a lot of years.
That was the truth.
As everyhting I changed in my journey, there wasn’t much point in trying to justify what I had done in the past
Because clearly it hadn’t work.
A cancer diagnosis at 38 years old was a wake up that I didn’t expect.
Not even the doctors to be honest as it wasn’t linked to any genes, family history, nada.
It was linked solely to “bad luck” according to the doctors.
So I decided once more to try something new and I went all in to change myself at a soul level
Forgiveness is a conscious decision to let go negative feelings towards another who had caused you hurt and replacing those feelings with unconditional love and compassion.
It is not about forgetting the hurt or ignoring the pain.
It is about recognising what happened and building a different emotional connection to it.
It is a transformative journey at the heart level.
Some research has shown that when you forgive, you can experience
• 𝗹𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿 𝗹𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗹𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝗱𝗲𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻
• 𝗹𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿 𝗹𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗹𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝗮𝗻𝘅𝗶𝗲𝘁𝘆
• 𝗹𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿 𝗹𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗹𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝗮𝗴𝗴𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻
• 𝗶𝗻𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝗾𝘂𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗼𝗳 𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲
• 𝗱𝗲𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗲𝗱 𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝗹𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗹
• 𝗹𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿 𝗯𝗹𝗼𝗼𝗱 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀𝘂𝗿𝗲
• 𝗹𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗲
• 𝗯𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗿-𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗮𝗴𝗲𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘀𝗸𝗶𝗹𝗹𝘀
• 𝗹𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿 𝗿𝗶𝘀𝗸 𝗼𝗳 𝗮𝗹𝗰𝗼𝗵𝗼𝗹 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘀𝘂𝗯𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗮𝗯𝘂𝘀𝗲
• 𝗶𝗻𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗲𝘀 𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳-𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗲𝗺
• 𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗿𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗱 𝗽𝘀𝘆𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗹𝗼𝗴𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹 𝘄𝗲𝗹𝗹-𝗯𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴
• 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗹𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗲𝗿 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽𝘀
• 𝗶𝗻𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗲𝘀 𝗵𝗼𝗽𝗲
I realised that the unhealthy relationship I had with alcohol was directly related to the resentment I held on my heart and body.
I realised that my ability to deal with stressful situations which was close to none at the time of my diagnosis was directly related to the anger I held of my heart and body.
My anger addiction was the result of it all. When you are angry and have been for so long, you can’t keep a lid on your anger.
Anything becomes a trigger and before you know, you have another anger outburst at anyone close to you that will put up with it.
𝗛𝘂𝗿𝘁 𝗽𝗲𝗼𝗽𝗹𝗲 – 𝗵𝘂𝗿𝘁 𝗽𝗲𝗼𝗽𝗹𝗲
And that was me all over it.,
You forgive for you.
You forgive to let go the hurt that is hurting you.
You forgive so you can feel free.
You forgive so you stop hurting others.
Forgiveness is one of the most important tools in a healing journey.
I knew that all the green juices in the world, would never contra balance the anger I held on inside me.
If you want to heal at a deeper level, invest your time and effort on forgiving.
Do it for you.
And if you can’t, do it for your loved ones just like I did.
Don't know where to start, check out my video
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